Wow, today was amazing.

  I am more then pleased with my lesson today!! Udex was an entire different horse!!!! I can't believe how great he was!! Everything was just so, so, so good today. I still can't stop smiling and feeling happy all over!!!
  Today was a very windy day. Most the horses I know get a little on edge when its this windy out! Of course, Udex was a brave boy and totally content in the wind. I actually think he really enjoys it actually! He loves to stand facing the wind and makes nice happy snorting sounds. It's really cute to see him so happy. Anyways, having him tied up outside and grooming him, he was lovely. He had a huge amount of energy which was a sign to me that we were going to have a very good ride. After grooming came tacking up! Like usual, as soon as the saddle and leg wraps were on, he become super fresh. He gets really, really, realllly excited. He enjoys working; especially riding! Putting the bridle on was a hassle. He just wanted to run around! He is a well over seventeen hand horse.. When he decides to put his head in the air while the bit is mid-way in his mouth and his rider is only 5''1...  you do face a bit of trouble. After the bridle was on, I mounted him and we rode to the arena!
  Like I had suspected, he was very hot and fresh today. His walk was really fast and energetic (which I didn't mind!!) and you could feel the pressure to start trot! Of course he did his little trot bolts here and there in the beginning, but after fifteen minutes in walk he cooled down a bit and got his head in the game. That's the thing with Udex. Once his head is in game mode, he doesn't leave it. He gets really focused on what he needs to do and doesn't let anything distract him. Occasionally he does give a whinny or two to his pals, but he continues on like nothing happened. That said, today once he was mentally with me, he was preforming beautifully! One movement, where you leg yield diagonally from the corner to X, ride one horse lengths straight, and then start to leg yield back to the next corner on the side. I only know the word for this in german, not in english. I don't even know if this has a name in english? Udex does these really good though. It's amazing how easy he makes it look, and does it. We have also been doing lots of shoulder and haunches in, renverse and traverse. He does those really, really good and easy. It's almost funny because with him you can ride them more easy then you can a circle.
  Siting trot!!! That has been coming along unbelievably well!! I am really, really pleased with my seat. It looks really good, especially considering that he was declared as an "impossible" horse to sit!! When I am sitting him in trot it's anything but easy, and is still really, really, really difficult to do. I have been practicing like crazy though and every time it's getting better!! I am happy with the seat I have right now, and I wont mind if it stays like this with him. I do hope (and know!) that in a little time, it will get more natural to sit him like this and I won't have to do as much as I am now for this pretty seat.
  Cantering was fantastic!! He does his walk to canter transitions wonderfully. No steps of walk or trot between, just pure canter. It's fantastic with him!!! He does it so gracefully and with so much ease. It's really fantastic to sit his canter too. Everyone else that rides him disagrees, but with me I find it rather refreshing. When you have to sit such a difficult trot all the time, switching to something as steady as canter is just a better feeling.
  On top of our great day, Udex is also gaining a lot of weight!! His ribs are barely visible!! I think that by december he will look the exact way he should! Aaaah! I'm too happy!!!! To see his withers getting definition, his hips getting rounder, and his ribs slowly fading under fat and muscle... Wow! It is a feeling like no other! Looking at him today I said to my friends "see that muscle right there? Yup! Six months ago; it didn't even exist." I pointed out a million newfound muscles as I said that. He has seriously come so far. I couldn't be more pleased!!! Ahh! I am stoked!! There are so many moments I look at him and have to convince myself that yes, this is the scrawny, thin, malnourished, depressed horse I took him six months ago!! This is one amazing journey I am so thankful to be taking. All the time while making Udex feel better, and me a better rider... I get to share the word about how rollkur does more harm then good!! This has been amazing! Killing three birds with one stone! W-O-W! Talk about cool!?

Everything I do I have to do 50% more of.

 As always, I had my Friday lesson with Udex. It was alright. I feel like we are kind of stuck right now. It frustrates me a little bit because everything that I do with him, I have to do 50% more then any one else must do with their horse. Take sitting trot for example. I have to use every muscle, plus so much more. So while I'm doing a leg yield at trot not only I'm doing a leg yield and using my leg/thigh muscles... I'm also using so much more muscles to stay in the saddle. [Thank you rollkur for making my horse a "rocking horse" aka impossible to sit without huge effort.] Also when I'm trotting it takes amazing effort to keep the reins steady, since he does tend to throw his head, and he is a rocking horse. So for a leg yield in trot add that to the list too. Fighting to keep the reins steady. Then you also have the head throwing, the getting him to not curl behind the bit, and other things. Honestly I am fine that I have to do all that extra work. In the long run it's making me a better rider and giving me the experience and skills most riders will never get the chance to find and develop. Six months ago when I first got Udex I thought I would never be able to sit him in rising trot. He had too much movement in his back, plus a hard to sit stride. No one else could sit him. I watched so many great rider friends of mine get off and say "yeahh.. this has to be the most terrible horse to sit I have ever sat on." I would sigh and loose hope. Well six months later I can do rising trot with steady hands and staying balanced and have him on the bit, not behind. I can also do this in sitting trot and canter and walk. My point is, even though at the time things see impossible with Udex... We get over it.
  Something I have found interesting is my trainers expectations of us. Six months ago she would praise me for doing three steps of sitting trot without falling off. Now she scolds me when I do less then a round of sitting trot without steady hands. She demands more. She wants my aids even more invisible then they already are. I find it fascinating though!! It has only been six months and we are schooling L and M movements. Pretty soon we will start the double bridle!!
  Right now I am feeling like some things with Udex are impossible. I feel like we are stuck. I know that this too we will overcome stronger then ever. It just gets tricky sometimes with Udex. Stressful is a good word for it. I mean sometimes I would just like to have a nice problem free horse that I didn't have to work so much with... but then I remember how Udex was born a nice problem free horse.. Rollkur made him into the horse he is today. Sometimes I just want to scream and cry because I'm sooo angry some idiot had to ruin such a wonderful heart with hyperflexion. Ah.! Then I think about how doing that would do no good at all. Instead I just sigh, give Udex a hug and pat, and think that this all had to happen for a reason. Udex is my horse now... which means I am getting the word out that rollkur is not a good thing. I'm going to open peoples eyes about the truth to this horrid "training" tool. The only thing rollkur does is destroy. Please remember that. I have to do Udex, and all the other horses trained with rollkur justice. This needs to be stopped. I can't stand to see another horse sustain the same problems that Udex has. It isn't fair for the horses. Please share Udexs' story and get the word out that rollkur is harmful!!!

I have been so proud!

   I can't begin to tell you how great Udex is doing. Last lesson [Friday] there was a big, nasty storm; possible tornadoes. The sound the rain makes on the roof of the arena is pretty loud and spooky! Not to mention constant roars of thunder, and flashes of lightning! Udex was so calm in the scary environment. He didn't even flinch!! At some points the thunder was so loud both my trainer and I jumped. Udex being the brave horse he is prodded on like he couldn't even hear a thing!!!! I was sooo relieved to see him being such a lovely chap for me!
  During our lesson we worked on leg yields and shoulder ins and haunches ins! We did everything pretty good!! I am really getting the hang of it all with him! The most challenging part about all these movements is that in trot, it's done at a sitting trot. Udex being such a difficult horse to sit takes a lot more effort to do these moves. I do have to say I am quite pleased with my sitting trot, although even now it could use some work. These movements are coming along nicely though. I think within two months time we will do them as easy as we give a half halt!
 There was a bit a head throwing. Along with the head throwing there was itty bitty rears. You can't really call them a rear though, since all it was was him lifting his front feet off the ground an inch or two. As my trainer says "The good times come more and more." I do agree with her. Every lesson he stays a bit longer without throwing his head. It will be a while before the head throwing vanishes all together, but it's alright. He can take all the time he needs. I have it, and I'm willing to give it to him.
  Big surprise!!! I took Udex on a little trail ride!!! I swore my trail days were over, especially with such a big, energetic horse. So much for that though. The other day I felt so bad always boring him with free running, lunging, riding. The same thing must get sooo boring for him. I decided to see how he acts by taking him for about 45 minutes on a little walk on the street outside the barn. He did so great! I gave him a nice long rein and he was really enjoying himself. He was looking around enjoying the scenery! It made me happy to see him happy! I was so happy I forgot I was even trail riding!! I know it wasn't much, just walking on the road.. but it's a start!! Eventually I would like to be able to take him out and run!! That's my most favorite thing to do on on the trails!! Let him have a nice fast canter, drop the reins, and put your arms out and fly!! Too bad our summer is almost over, not that we had much of one anyways. I will still go in the snow though!! I plan on snow riding!! I think Udex would enjoy that too! After all, I don't want him to get too bored!! I do think that just leg yeilds, shoulder ins and haunches ins must be extremely boring to a horse who could passage, pirroutte, piaffe, and prance around!!
  I'm proud of my baby!! We have come a very far way, thats for sure!!! Whenever I'm having a bad day with him, I just think to the first day I saw him. That makes me melt and forget everything. I'm ready for another fun, adventurous week with my crazy horsey!

I never thought we would get this far this fast.

   Yesterday while riding I couldn't help but feel so proud!! Six months ago Udex was an un-sittable, suicidal, depressed, emaciated horse who would always tuck himself behind the bit due to riding with hyperflexion so many years. We are now doing shoulder in's and haunches in's and leg yields, and lot's of sitting trot!!! He is doing so, so, so amazing. I never ever ever in a million years would have thought that in just six months he would be coming along so far!!! I'm just soo impressed!! I mean of course, we still have our bad days. Our good days are just getting better and better. My trainer is raising her standards for us, pushing Udex and I to work even harder!! I love it!!
  So yesterday our lesson was beyond great!! Udex was a bit tired, but other then that; truly amazing!! Days I don't bring the camera something amazing always happens.. Go figure!!! He gave me some absolute perfect leg yields! I couldn't have asked for better. We also worked on our shoulder in's, which were also going well!!! For the first real day of schooling them and perfecting them, five to nine steps of a good shoulder in at walk was pretty rewarding. We also tried a bit of haunches in, which is actually quite difficult to do with Udex. When I give the absolute correct aids, then he goes right, but if it's anything below perfect he just won't budge. That's quite difficult due to my muscles not being at the strength that he is expecting. I'm not worried though. Doing all the leg yields and shoulder in's and now haunches in's I have been doing, I will have those muscles in no time!!!
   I couldn't stop smiling while I was riding him. Just thinking that six months ago how bad he was and how today we are riding second level moves!! Ah!! It's so amazing!!! This has to be the most rewarding feel that is possible. If you haven't ever took in a rescue horse... you're missing out... BIG time!!! The farrier is coming to put new shoes on Udex soon, so I'm off to the stable!! Hopefully Udex stands quiet, but since he is the horse he is, he probably won't, and will cause a hassle!!! Oh well, fingers crossed!!

Wounds && a Lesson

after I cleaned it with hydrogen peroxide

   Yuck! Last week Udex was kicked on his front left leg pretty bad. He had a little gash in it. Taking the barn owner, my mom, and my trainers advice I cleaned it, put blue spray on it, and let it be. For about five days that was working. Yesterday? It was open and raw and flies were everywhere. When I put cream on it I got about four flies in the cream, that's how many flies there were. Instantly I became paranoid about infection!!! Ahhh!!!! Anyways, today I wrapped it and put a lot of good stuff on it. Hopefully tomorrow it's closed up again and fly free!!!

  Our lesson was pretty good!! Udex was a little tired; he spent four nights in the paddock Other then being tired, he was pretty good! It was a really, really, really warm day today. I'm surprised neither of us died (lots of laughs.) It's never easy to work in the heat, as almost anyone should know. So putting together the fact he was super tired and it was super warm out.. I'm pleased with the outcome of today. We didn't have any more, or less, head throwing then usual. Leg yielding him from F to X wasn't working out too well. Actually it wasn't working at all. I need stronger muscles on that side, and he does too!!! Our other hand is both of our dominant hand! It's a little difficult making our weak hands stronger, but I'm sure we will do it. He does all his moves so lovely, sometimes it's a little frustrating knowing that the reason he isn't doing it is because of me!!! I was watching a T.V. show yesterday and had to giggle when the dressage rider was half passing her horse, and the trainer was yelling at her. The rider said "It's this footing in the arena. It's terrible!!" The trainer looked at her blankly and said "it isn't the footing... and it isn't the horse!" It was really funny to hear this (at least to me!) I guess it could be because my trainer says the same thing when I try to make excuses!! Well sorry for the short entry, I am just not in the mood to write.

Sometimes bad days turn good... really good.

  Days like this I just am not in the mood to ride. Rainy, windy, cold, blue; gloomy. Everything about today just set the mood for a bad day. Since it was raining, I had my horse cooped up in his stall all day. Just thinking about how I was going to have to wrestle with my huge, energetic, fresh warmblood gave me a headache. I just wanted to skip today and go right into tomorrow... I came to the barn feeling very sour. Udex was pacing around in his stall and whinnying every two minutes. I rolled my eyes and took a while setting up my tack box and getting my saddle and bridle out. "Oh great.. He's so energetic and nervous today! It's going to be a hard struggle to pick his hooves, yet alone put the bit in his mouth when the only thing he wants to do is run!"
  I was right. It was a struggle to get him to stand still long enough for me to pick his hooves. After getting that task over with I very unhappily took him to the arena to free run a bit of the crazies out. After a few minutes of running he walked over to me, chomping on nothing, (sign of submission) and nuzzled me. He was still full of energy, but he let me tack him up a lot easier then he would have without letting that negative energy out.
  I did notice he had a fantastic trot today. In the beginning he had a very nice long and low neck! I trotted him with no hands for a bit... Good for my balance, and good for him to really stretch down low. Anyways, after he was warmed up to some extent, my trainer arrived and we began our lesson. [At this point I was still a bit gloomy. The wind rattling the roof, Udex whinnying out to his friends every few seconds.] We started out the lesson with einfache schlange linien [simple snake lines] and lots and lots and lots of circles. Udex was going great with little head throwing and very eager to listen to my leg. We did lots of circles on a loose rein! He was being such a good boy. My bad mood was slowly getting lighter and lighter. When it came time to canter I was in a pretty happy mood considering how outstanding my horse was preforming!!! The canter was amazing. No head throwing, total response to my leg, and a nice steady pace!!!!

Udex sometimes curls behind the bit.
Thankfully now he doesn't tuck his head in
as far as he once did.

   Sadly, some days Udex still curls up behind the bit out of his past trauma from rollkur. It breaks my trainer and I's heart to see that even when I give him a very loose rein, he still is tucked in behind the bit. He is so mentally afraid. It is very sad to see him curled behind it. Usually towards the end of our lesson I give him a very long rein with hardly any connection and just ride him with my body and legs. We try to get him to come up on the bit, not behind it. Usually the long rein makes him feel secure enough to go on the bit. It's very difficult to help his behind the bit problem, but it's getting better. Today in our lesson, towards the end he started to go ON the vertical, instead of behind it. To see Udex not behind the bit is enough to make me tear up. Two years ago this was a high trained dressage horse, riding everyday in hyperflexion. Today, he is my best friend riding on the bit.
   Over all, today I was expecting a bad day. To my surprise it turned out to be one of our best rides yet!!! I am so, so, so pleased with Udex's recovery! Although some days It isn't easy and I want to give up, I don't. I keep on working with him. Sometimes I see an instant difference, sometimes it takes a little longer. This has been one very hard and challenging journey, both mentally and physically.. but I know what I'm doing for my horse is the right thing to do. I hate knowing he was trained with rollkur his entire life... At the same time I am thankful for it. I know that he was put in my path (and I in his!) so I can do him justice and share his story. If at least one person hears his story and changes their mind about rollkur... then I feel that I have done my job. Rollkur needs to end. It doesn't do anyone any good. Please, put an end to rollkur.